Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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