I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
