i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
