How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
