Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
