At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
