Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
