At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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