WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Boobs are out for the taking
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
