I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
