When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Dicks are not precious.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
