I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
