I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
