You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
