I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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