Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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