Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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