Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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