I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
