I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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