He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I deserve to be covered in dicks
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
