I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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