Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
It's rum buckets o'clock
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
