And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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