you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
