i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
