First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
