This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
