he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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