i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Randomize
