Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
