I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
