if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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