Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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