Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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