We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
