If i come over, it means nothing
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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