So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
