Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
