the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
