covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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