Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
