Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
