After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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