If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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