walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize