sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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