Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
