Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
