I just made out with a guy for $7.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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