If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
