I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
The power of my boobs compel you
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
