I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
BRING THE BAGELS
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
