if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
