i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
