We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize