I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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