Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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