too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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