I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
