Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Randomize
