does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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