so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
