new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It's shark week go big or go home
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
