Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize