can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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