I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
