Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
She even gives head with a lisp.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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