You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
