I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
