He uses pillows to masturbate.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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