I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
